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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The insaner you are, Tom Hardy, the more I love you

“I feel sorry for a poodle because he's a dog. You know, a dog is a f*cking great creature. They would do anything for you. And the poodle gets a haircut. No one asks if the poodle wants his hair cut like that. Do they? They just f*cking cut his hair like that. And he just walks around. And everyone is like, ‘Why is that poodle so snarky?’ F*ck you.”
--Tom Hardy (courtesy of NYMag.com)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Where slightly sh*ttier stuff is slightly cheaper!

Well, I've found my new "outlet": OUTLET SHOPPING!

(PUNS! GETCHA PUNS HEYUH!)

Today I traversed the great and glorious expanse known as Philadelphia Premium Outlets, which incidentally was steps away from a nuclear power plant. There, accompanied by my boyfriend and his ma and sis, I shopped all my cares away.

Gender-wise, the shopping odds were fantastic, as the ladies had a clear hormonal supermajority (estrogen : testosterone : : 3 : 1), which meant we basically ventured into each and every store without exception (sorry for the sexist generalization...except I'm not sorry, because I just went shopping, and I have no remorse after I go shopping). 

Naturally I came home with many spoils, to the tune of: two pairs of pants, a shirt, and sunglasses -- all totaling $5.00!*

*Okay, maybe I spent more than $5.00.

But all you need to know is: I won, and companies lost! Because isn't shopping really a contest, in the end? In New York City terms, the final tab was roughly equivalent to a deli sandwich. And whereas I devour my deli sandwiches in mere seconds, now I'm going to look amazing for the rest of my life, and is there anything more happiness-inducing than looking amazing? 

I didn't think so.

Frankly, I feel better than I've felt in a long time. I almost feel like the outlets paid *me* to buy their stuff. 

Sure, the Forever 21 was not so much an outlet as just a kind of sh*tty Forever 21 with no stock. Sure, the J. Crew sweaters were marked down from $89.95 to $89.94. Sure, I bought things I absolutely do not need, but do you see the inherent triumph of it all? As a consumer I like to feel like I've come out on top, even if it means amassing closets upon closets of slightly cheaper, poorer-quality, outlet-specific merchandise

Go, me!

What do you think of outlet shopping? 



Sunday, August 19, 2012

New Singing Tips Video!

Greeting, blog readers! The end of summer is nigh! I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to fall, a.k.a. the season in which I can wear clothes not solely to avoid nakedness (which would be preferable in the oppressive heat) but rather layered outfits with an eye toward style!

On a completely unrelated note, here's the latest installment of my Super Short Singing Lesson videos! It's about palate and tongue placement and mouth shape when you sing.

(Also, I decided to intersperse Baroque-inspired title cards, on a whim.)

Enjoy!

Join Broadway Book Club's discussion of UNNATURALLY GREEN!


Weeeeee! Thanks to so many readers' input, Unnaturally Green got chosen to be read for popular blogger/tweeter Broadway Spotted's Broadway Book Club! If you've already read my book, why not give it another go-around? 

The Book Club will give you a chance to discuss it with others -- and maybe I'll chime in, too! It looks like they're reading the first 50 pages this week.

From Broadway Spotted:
This is so exciting! We’ve never done any kind of voting with a sweep this crazy! Felicia Ricci’s book Unnaturally Green was far and away the favorite to be our fourth book for the Broadway Book Club! 
A lot of you were voting for this book despite having already read it, so I can only assume two things. That you want to read it again and/or you really want a chance to discuss it with other broadway lovers. Both are great. Just remember not to give anything away for those of us who are behind the curve. For next week, please read through page 50. We’re gonna start slow just to give everyone a chance to buy the book and start.
Are you plan on joining the discussion? Leave a comment below to let me know!

UPDATE ON 8/25/12:

Looks like (1) we'll be reading up to Chapter 3 for tomorrow (page numbers are too confusing with e-readers); (2) the discussion will begin sometime in the morning or afternoon-ish. You can chime in by writing in the comments section of Broadway Spotted's latest Broadway Book Club post. I'll be sure to roll in sometime before 1:30PM, and will stay for as long as I'm welcome! Hooray!

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Story of My Life (Right Now)

Maybe this is a metaphor for something

Well, hi there!

Many of you have emailed/tweeted/Facebooked/beeped/booped/plappity-plapped me with the following question:

"What are you doing, Felicia?"

And usually I just avoid the question and am all like "I DERNT KNER!" (Translation: "I don't know.") (Translate your own phrases into ERMAHGERD-ese here!) But now, at long last, I'm going to tell you what I'm doing, at which point your hopes will either be met or dashed.

In No Particular Order, Here Is What I'm Doing

Monday, August 6, 2012

Musings on the Olympics, or, I am my own commercial

Do you watch the Olympics? If you answered yes, allow me to high-five you; if you answered no, I am puzzled by you!

Watching the Olympics has inspired me. It has inspired me to sit on the couch and watch more Olympics, and then think about all the ways I am unlike the athletes I see -- tumbling through the air, gliding in the water at superhuman speeds, doing strokes with delicate names like the butterfly but which should actually be called the splash-as-much-as-possible-and-look-insane stroke, but nobody asked me, did they. These athletes are tireless and inspiring and amazing, and I'm fascinated!

But maybe there's a selfish reason for it all. Maybe it's because watching somebody do something amazing makes me feel that much more amazing by proxy -- even though I have nothing whatsoever to do with the amazing-ness.

Don't believe me? Take all those TV commercials.

TV commercials, if you've noticed, played during the Olympics suffer from delusions of grandeur. They feature really deep-voiced narrators talking about "greatness" and "commitment" and "doing your best" and usually there's some slow-mo black-and-white movie playing of a girl on the uneven bars, and you think to yourself, "Wow, this is so inspiring!" and a tear comes to your eye.

Then the actual logo for the brand comes onto the screen and you're like, "Oh. Kellogg's cereal." Because nothing says "world champion" like a crunchy flake of corn.

Point being? Kellogg's think's it's great because it can meditate on greatness.

And you know what? I get it.

Allow me to submit an analogy.

read Us Weekly magazine every time I go on any type of hamster-wheel cardio machine. Why? Because looking at celebrities in skin-tight sheath-dresses weirdly makes me feel better about myself, as opposed to worse. It's counter-intuitive, isn't it? On a subterranean level I genuinely believe Jennifer Aniston's discipline and suffering will somehow get absorbed into me by osmosis, and I will henceforth be able to resist all manner of cheeseburger and creamy pasta dish the minute I step off the elliptical.

See, I don't resent her; I pretend I am her.

And the same goes for the Olympics. Michael Phelps has 22 medals, and so do I. We're a pretty great team, aren't we? Yeah, we work hard.

So it is time I thanked these prodigiously talented athletes for making me -- the girl with the clicker sitting on her ass on the couch, chewing licorice, munching corn chips -- feel like I'm a part of something great, all while doing nothing whatsoever to actualize it.

Isn't this, after all, the true essence of being American? In that case, Olympic Team U.S.A. -- with all their hard work, tireless effort, doing rather than dreaming -- could learn a lot from me.