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Saturday, March 17, 2012

St. Patrick's Day Roundup: Moments of Greenness

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! A holiday overbrimming with Irish foodleprechauns, red chin beards, raucous displays (if you're of-age, or one of the many irritating people outside my window) of public drunkenness, and, of course, greenness.

While I'm not typically a practitioner of the aforementioned (my idea of a wild night is staying up to watch an extra episode of Hoarders), as the 1/8-Irish author of this unnaturally GREEN blog, I couldn't NOT do a Saint Patrick's Day post! I just couldn't! What would my green baby of a book say to me, in all its personified glory? 

Below is a compilation of recent "Moments of Greenness" -- a list of the ways I've been green lately. It will give you a window into my strange and evolving world. In turn, I invite you to leave comments to let me know how you are practicing greenness (of any form!) in your day-to-day life. 

(If you've read my book, these definitions might look familiar...)

/grin/ adjective

1. Having a flavor that is raw, harsh, and acid. GREEN VIBRANCE POWDER. 

The first item on this list introduces you to a (temporarily) prominent aspect of my life: a 28-day meal plan I'm following, in the service of losing a little bit o' body fat and getting in shape for summer. I've never done anything like this before, but have always been curious as to what would happen if a carbohydrate-loving, self-deprivation-eschewing individual like me tried following a strict nutritional plan.

The catalyst was my good friend Neka, actress, singer and dancer extraordinaire who recently returned from the Mary Poppins tour and -- BAM! -- got cast in Rock of Ages on Broadway, in which she will debut in early April.

Apparently her costume is just, like, lingerie, i.e. extremely revealing, so she linked up with an ex-army-sergeant trainer at my boyfriend's gym, and he gave her said 28-day meal plan to complement her workouts. On this very day, I just happened to be at the gym, working out, and impulsively agreed to support Neka by doing the diet with her.

If I had to summarize the diet it would be that it's basically a very low-carb, six meal a day plan, in which every recipe is written out for you (portions, ingredients, etc.). Because it's so protein-based, you're strongly encouraged to supplement your meals with this thing called GREEN VIBRANCE POWDER (see upper left!), also known as the most disgusting substance known to man, woman or beast. 

Essentially, it's nutritional extracts from tons of fruits and veggies, and it works as a probiotic (meaning, it helps your digestion do its thang). Even more essentially, it tastes like sludge, mixed with mud, and my tears. Because I'm not supposed to have sugar on this 28-day torture road to hottttness, I have to drink it straight with water. Just me and the green. Total yucko.

2. Of the color of growing foliage, between yellow and blue in the spectrum. "SOFT AUTUMN" COLOR PALETTE.

For unexplained reasons, I've recently become interested in this concept of "getting your colors done" in the service of knowing what clothes will flatter your skin, hair and eye coloring. Meanwhile, I've been doing some freelance work for an e-commerce fashion site (writing their product descriptions), so my knowledge and interest in fashion has been burgeoning.

In my online travels, I discovered a site that let's you figure out your color palette. After some quick navigating, and plugging in my attributes, apparently I am a "soft autumn." And, guess what? We pale-skinned, light-brown-haired, hazel-eyed individuals are instructed to wear lots of green. (Why am I not surprised?)

3. Fresh, recent, or new. FASHION JOB.

On that note...

This industry we call fashion fascinates me (or should I say, "fashion-ates" me?) (No, I shouldn't say that.) I've never been particularly good at keeping up with trends, or having a stylish wardrobe, but I've always had this lingering desire to get with the program. Luckily, my new fashion-writing job has required me to learn about current trends and get a handle on all that fashion-y vocab you hear peppering clothing catalogs and TLC's What Not to Wear.

But now, I am pleased to say, I know the meaning of dolman sleeves, smocking, ruching, keyhole cutout, scuba collar, peaked lapel...the list goes on! It's still very new -- but I'm excited to keep learning more!

4. Not fully developed or perfected in growth or condition; unripe; not properly aged. SMASH THE TV SHOW.

Because I am a nut, I need to throw this in here. As I'm sure you've heard/seen/fled-from-as-it-plays-on-your-TV, Smash is a new NBC show that purports to be about the New York City theater/Broadway scene. Sadly, it is way over-the-top and extremely inaccurate. Around three episodes in, I wrote a blog post about it in which I listed some of the reasons it kinda shtinks. 

But I'm including it here in our list of green stuff as an expression of optimism -- because, I *am* rooting for it. Hopefully it will get its act together and become something worth watching -- something that lets America see how the theater industry works (a very interesting topic, in my opinion) -- something that doesn't have ridiculous plot points that are striving so desperately to be dramatic.

STOP, FEL! Stop ranting. Okay. That is all. For now.

5. Having a sickly appearance. THE SPRING-FORWARD TIME CHANGE MADE ME SICK!

It's all your fault, Franklin.
Does anybody else hate Spring Forward? It is the dumbest thing ever. It made my internal clock go cray-cray. For example, I've been up since 5AM writing this, and I have no idea why. Also, recently I got sick. File under: completely uninteresting anecdotes about Felicia. I blame Ben Franklin.

6. Freshly set and not completely hardened. MY ART PROJECTS.

Since moving into a new Manhattan apartment this past December, I've been totally obsessed with home decor. As such, I've split my down time perusing an amazing site called Houzz (they have a rad iPad app I highly recommend, if you're into that whole interior-design thing) and working on various DIY/art projects. My most recent is a set of mini 5"x5" abstract paintings matted in 8"x10" frames, one of which I've nearly completed, which will hang in my bathroom, right over my toilet, because toilets deserve to be beautiful, too. 

6. Untrained; inexperienced. WORKOUT DISCOVERIES.

In addition to keeping me on an exceedingly tight diet-leash, the 28-day plan I mentioned also lays out workout guidelines. And they're pretty hard. For assistance, I enlisted the help of my boyfriend's other (slightly-less-scary-than-the-army-sergeant) trainer friend to teach me which workouts I should do. Because working out can be confusing! What is this metal bar and what do I do with it? Why am I so sweaty, all the time? Are we all playing on a giant adult jungle gym? The world may never know.

The point is: I've been green to many of these workout techniques -- so I've been given something called a "workout split," in which I divide my muscle groups into three days and just beast it out methodically. Slowly, but surely, I've been getting better, and learning that "plates" are not just things you put your spaghetti on. I also bought a jumprope, which I've used successfully (which is to say, continuously) for a whole minute!

But that's the fun (read: excruciating) part about learning: you just have to keep trying 'til you get it...

7. Full of life and vigor. WRITING AND STUFF!

Lately I've found renewed excitement in Unnaturally Green (its Wikipedia page, new low e-book pricing on Amazon and iTunes) as well as all my other writing projects -- including a neeeearly there "how to follow your dreams" guide that I'm hoping to publish soon, as well as a fiction piece that's many months (maybe years? who knows!) on the horizon.

I've also been having a total blast teaching voice to my super fun, eager and dedicated students, and I'm pleased to say my studio has been expanding. I'm hoping to post a few more YouTube videos soon, so thank you, all, for your requests (and patience!).

Well, that just about sums up my recent and ongoing bouts of greenness. What are yours? Share below!



  1. 1. I too have just started a 30 day cleanse. Mine consists of drinking shakes and only consuming about 600 calories in meals in addition to the shakes. It is called Isagenix.

    2. To track my progress and be accountable to a few friends and family members I created my very first blog. I am not a writer by any means, so this will be interesting.

    3. I signed up for a run called Tough Mudder. This will be the first long race I have ever run in. It consists of 10-12 miles of extremely difficult obstacles. The run is in September so I have started working out even more and is part of the reason I am doing the cleanse listed in number 1.

  2. So proud to be one of those "super fun, eager and dedicated students"!! <3

  3. Felicia, help me out I'm really confused. Didn't Teal Wicks originate in San Fran? And yet your book talks about Eden Espinosa? What gives?
    (bought your book, obsessed)