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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

SORT-OF FORMER ACTRESS / EVOLVING HUMAN TAKES OFFICE JOB WHILE WRITING BOOK, LIVES TO TELL TALE (SO FAR)

Here are some of the day-to-day benefits to working in an office.
  1. FREE PENS.
  2. If anyone speaks, they do so in low, soothing tones.
  3. It is customary to wear clothes that need not be geared toward
    1. Rigorous movement or dance
    2. Concealing pit stains
    3. Showing off ones “assets”
  4. If I wake up with phlegm in my throat, THAT’S OKAY.
  5. If I arrive a few minutes late, THAT’S OKAY.
  6. I can eat and not worry about the timing of subsequent bodily functions. (Oh yes, I went there.) (And yes, that’s something you have to consider when working in the theater.)
Here are some downsides to working in an office.
  1. I am required to more or less stay put in the building, even when I’m not particularly needed.*
  2. Unlike my prior experiences with the unbridled, persistent gregariousness of nearly every actor I’ve ever encountered, it is not a matter of course that one’s coworkers introduce themselves or even speak.**
  3. Brunch has become a competitive sport, as I no longer have the special privilege – sometimes curse – of being free when everyone else is busy; instead, I must submit to the workweek / weekend dichotomy. Gone are those solitary week days, when I used to scour the lonely streets for companionship, wander into various places of business, and wile away my idle hours at an empty movie theater, pondering what exactly it was I was doing with my life, where I was going to find my next paycheck, and why the weekly cost of concessions add up to nearly half of my unemployment insurance.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE!
*Upside: …during which time I can compile inane lists, like this one.
*Also: slightly reminiscent of my standby stint, no?
**Although, this is oftentimes a good thing. As a point of contrast, I would, if I had the capabilities, submit to you one of several live actor-subjects I’ve encountered at various auditions, to whom a mute individual would be, in many cases, preferable.

5 comments:

  1. Welcome to my world! But I do take a lot of coffee breaks! As the song "Coffee Break" from How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying..says

    "If I can't take my coffee break, Something within me dies."

    Luv this post! Take care

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  2. Welcome to my world too! Biggest upside being that whole steady paycheck thing and of course free insurance.
    I certainly hope that your 'former actress' status is temporary.
    We need to see/hear you on the boards again.

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  3. Upside to working in an office - being able to comment on blogs like these.

    Downside to working in an office (especially one with cubicles) - you might die and no one will notice for several days (#2 above).

    Moral of the story: Don’t work too hard. Nobody notices anyway. Hope you're at least having fun! :-P

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  4. If working in an office isn't to your liking, you could always work your way through med school as an erotic dancer. Life imitates Art. Dr. Stripper indeed.

    Just kidding. I hope the acting/writing thing works out for you. I've been a fan of your blogs for a long time. Who can say if I've been changed for the better....

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  5. Just curious, who are you working for? and what kind of job are you doing?

    -Joe

    ReplyDelete