soul-sapping boredom of spending countless hours backstage? That's right: we WORK IT OUT.
Yesterday, Libby Servais and I, along with our other dressing-room-dwelling compatriots (i.e. swings in the female ensemble) WORKED IT OUT backstage to Tracy Anderson's Mat Workout DVD.
Tracy Anderson (at left), trainer and fitness guru to the eternally lithe Gwyneth Paltrow and Courtney Cox, has developed a workout method that apparently utilizes "accessory muscles" and makes you "really small."
I, however, would summarize her workout DVD thusly: it transported me back to the time of middle-school dances where everyone would stand around in concentric circles, vaguely keeping time through head bopping and knee bending. But you could never just commit to this simple repetition, because your sisyphean goal was, through rhythmic dance, to insinuate yourself into a spot that was of acceptable closeness to the center-most ring -- where the coolest, hottest, and most limber kids were gyrating and pulsating in ways you had only ever seen before on MTV or in documentaries about the nineteen sixties. And then you would try to imitate them.
This was exactly the feeling I got when I did Tracy Anderson's DVD workout. I had no idea what she was doing, or why, or how, but she seemed so cool and hot that I couldn't help but try to imitate her. She didn't even really say anything the whole time, except things that were either unapologetically obvious ("this is really good for your body") or unapologetically shallow ("you're going to be so small when you are done with this workout")
If this is all it takes to make a workout video, let's get the cameras rolling! Then again, maybe the single-most important prerequisite is that one be the grown-up version of those middle-school Planets of Hot around which we all used to (still?) orbit. Which, judging from my youth, I most certainly am not. (And I like it that way.)
Granted, the workout did leave me feeling outrageously sore, and encouraged me, in no uncertain terms, to shake what my mama gave me in ways I never knew possible. Just watch-- I'm probably going to end up doing the darn video again, and again, and again...because as resolutely critical as I am right now, the impossible dream of a Tracy Anderson-sized booty beckons me...
And the sisyphean dance continues...